IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME...

I was watching IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME on MTV and i swear by the end of the show i was in tears. Because my heart goes out to any teenager in high school. We all know the pains of insecurities and the pressures that high school comes with. The habits you start not knowing they will be hell to break. Essentially you begin shaping who you are based on what people think you should be. And it immediately took me back to high school and the things i went through....So with that being said....
If you really knew me in high school you would know that i had a dangerously low self esteem.I hated not only being skinny but people reminding me everyday of how skinny i was. I loathed everything from my head to my toe. I bought into the theory that light skin and long hair was beautiful and that was obviously everything i was not. Every time i turned the Tv on there was nothing there that reflected me.Not to mention i had an older brother who was not only popular but he was also (and still is)gorgeous and the women he brought around didn't reflect me either. I stuffed my bra from sixth grade all the way to senior year. I would wear two and three pair of pants at a time to appear larger and the idea of someone ever seen me completely naked made me sick to my stomach......

If you knew me now you would know that i am annoyingly in love with all things me. I thrive off of going against the grain and being as much of an individual as possible. When i look back on how i felt about myself and how much i hated myself i feel so foolish and a little sad for the old me. Because i allowed myself to miss out on being and feeling beautiful. It took a few years under my belt to realize that self-esteem is just a state of mind and what you believe about yourself others will believe it too. Because lets face it i'm still skinny mini i'm still on TEAM A-Cup! Im still dark skin and during that special time of the month i am still blessed with acne (but i will take acne over pregnancy). What i'm saying is essentially i am still the same and pretty much look exactly the same as in high school. The only difference is i love myself!!! I was so distracted with what i thought was a flaw that i never notice i had a nice smile, nice legs a flat stomach (that apparently is a big deal) and i can eat whatever i want with out thinking about my weight. My point is not to brag its just a reminder that life is too short to focus on the negative. Because when you dwell on the bad it blinds you from seeing the good. I am not perfect nor am i am People Magazines most beautiful list (at least not yet) but i am happy in my own skin and that all that matters.