Today i realized that if fashion(standards) was my boyfriend i would have left him a long time ago................I have come to terms with the fact that after being committed to him (by him i mean fashion standards) for nearly ten years and he is still never satisfied. He is constantly changing his mind about how he feels about me and how he wants me to be. Just when i feel comfortable in my own skin he goes and finds a standard i cant meet and tells me that if i don't live up to it he may never except me.
Its all just a mental game because he knows i don't want him to leave. So instead of rebelling i obey his every command and become what he wants me to be just so he can love me the same. After transforming myself for him he walks in with a request totally opposite of what i am yet again. He is never happy with my hair,make-up,body or anything that remotely resembles happiness.
He is constantly telling me what not wear and what i consider beautiful is wrong. Not only is he verbally abusive he is also physically abusive. Every time we go out he is beating me up in public. ( by beating i mean my wallet is taking a beating). He says to be with him i have to except the fact that i have to make sacrifices if i ever want to be truly loved. And if i step away from his beatings people will talk about me and the mistake i made of leaving a good man. On top of being abusive i think is slightly racist as well. He says that women of "color" are beautiful but when ever he is surrounded by too many "ethnic" women it makes him uncomfortable. And there is nothing more undesirable to him then being "uncomfortable". I'm in love with a man that is repulsed at the sight of a full figured women. and by full figured i mean anything over a size three. He says they don't even stand a chance at being sexy. He says that i have to remain tall and skinny forever even as i age. Because there is nothing more unappealing then a women that has aged past thirty.
This man (and by man i mean fashion standards) has ruled my life for years and have taken his abuse long enough so on behalf of all the abused women in the world i am finally telling him to KISS WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE! Im telling him that i am taking back the hold he has over my mind and that he is no longer allowed to boss me around. I can dictate what i like and don't like because thats what being an individual is all about. I am free of the standards he has set for me and i am now singing to my own tune. Although i have been liberated my heart still sad because i know he is an attractive man that many women want or may have so although im free there are still many that are or that will soon be his new prisoners...Damn...i wonder will she (and by she i mean you) set her self free?
